Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Stay Fit on the Miss Dot Holiday Plan!


It's that time of the month year again.  Christmas Party time.  The time of year when people reach waaaaay back into their recipe files to find the most sugar-laden, butter-filled, diabetes-inducing desserts that they can make and then quickly wrap up on decorative plates and haul them out of the house before they eat it all themselves and instead leave them out on buffet tables at Christmas parties where they know you won't be able to resist them.  And of course, year after year, you give yourself that little pep-talk before heading out to a party: "I won't bum rush the buffet table.  I won't take two extra brownies and stuff them in my pockets for later.  I won't knock Aunt Bertha over again just to get the last peanut butter kiss cookie.  I'll eat celery and bean sprouts and just lick the top of a gingerbread man but I won't eat it.  Nope.  Not even his gumdrop buttons." 

To all of that I say: RELAX.  I'm here for you.  Over the years I've accumulated some great techniques for weathering out the Christmas Party Frenzy and I'd like to share them with you in the hopes that come bikini season you'll be just as stressed out excited as I am. I've put together this 5-point list of things you can do to help yourself stay on track this holiday season. 
  1. Bring a Date
    Bringing a date opens up the door for so many possibilities.  Need an excuse to grab an extra cookie while under the watchful eye of the Nazi hostess who's already seen you take three?  No worries!  You have a date, one who apparently is incapable of getting up and getting his own food so you kindly have volunteered to do it for him.  *BONUS*:  if you're married and your date is your spouse, you totally  look like the ever-loving doting partner here.  Cha-CHING!

  2. Only Choose a Few Items for your Plate
    This goes hand-in-hand with the item above.  By bringing a date, what you have actually done is brought another plate.  What you'll be doing here is setting up a decoy plate, i.e. the one that people see you holding and think, "Wow, she's got great willpower."  This plate can be covered in anything healthy: celery sticks, broccoli, and/or the yucky-looking healthy dessert that that one chick brought  but no one's touched (who invited her anyway??).  After you've set up your decoy plate, load up your date's plate with the goodies you really want.  Peppermint bark?  Why not!  Brownies AND cookies?  Who cares?  It's not on YOUR plate!  *BONUS*:  By eating off of someone else's plate, you're actually not incurring any calories!  That's right!  If we go by the simple rule of "He who carries it keeps it on his hips" (the lesser-known cousin of "He who smelt it, dealt it"), you're actually not gaining any weight by eating off of someone else's plate.

  3. Stick to the Rule of T.H.U.M.B.
    Touch it, it's yours.  No seriously, touch the whole darn plate of those brownies with the swirly frosting and chocolate chunks.  Who's going to eat them after your grubby mitts have been on them?

    Hurry past the healthy stuff.  Why would you eat carrot sticks at a Christmas party, anyway?  YOU'RE AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY!

    Use caution when approaching a dessert you cannot readily identify.  Are those raisins or chocolate chips?  Does it look dry and bland and therefore possibly healthy? Skip it.

    Move yourself into a position in the room that allows for maximum bee-line potential for possible seconds.  Or thirds.

    Bypass slow-moving people.  I'm not kidding here.  Some people like to mill about and continue their conversations loooong after the buffet has been open for business.  These people are not your friends.  Bypass them immediately.  (If you're an iPhone user, this little gem might be just the thing you need)

  4. Weigh Yourself Regularly
    This is key during this party season to make sure that you're staying on track with your weight management goals.  When torturing weighing yourself, be sure to use a scale that is a couple pounds off (in your favor, of course).  This allows for the linear shift analysis to move in a parabolic mountain scheme vs. a paradigm warp thus giving you your preferred true weight.  This is an exact science as is not meant to be understood by you mere mortals people without a medical degree, so don't even attempt to understand the gravitational implications.

    Of course, if all else fails...

  5. Exercise
    Sometimes you just need to grit your teeth and bear it.  Exercising is a great way to hurt yourself by falling off the treadmill because you were singing too intensely to Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply blow off some holiday season steam while helping you stay fit.  I've taken the time to research some useful tools that may make your whole workout session a whole lot easier.  Check them out.
See?  The Christmas Party season doesn't have to be all that daunting.  Really, just follow my 5-point plan and you'll get through it just fine.  Trust me; I make cupcakes.  Would I lie to you?

15 comments:

  1. good idea! Sounds like a fool poof plan.

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  2. Stopping by from SITS to say Hello! Love your blog and will be back to visit again soon.

    Have a great week!

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  3. Am in for this wonderful sounding plan :)

    Keep baking and writing wonderful articles.

    Cheers!!

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Sorry, technical difficulties! :)

    And if you're not into the decoy plate idea, use your date's plate to hold the food that wouldn't fit onto yours. That's what my husband does.

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  6. The Best Holiday plan.....ever. You are my hero. This is the year I will stick to my plan. I knew it was going to happen eventually.

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  7. This is great! I have managed to fall off a treadmill once or twice, so I can absolutely relate to #5.

    Visiting from SITS!

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  8. Sage and wise words of advice that everyone needs to heed! Yer a genius woman!

    I also like my rule #6. If you eat it in the car it does not count. I thought i'd just throw that in for good measure.

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  9. That was hilarious! I'm still laughing... =~D

    Thanks for that great post!

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  10. LOL!!!! You are too funny and I love your writing style. :)

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  11. Awesome tips Nicole! Thank you! I have an award for you here: http://tinyurl.com/ybcc3vc

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