Don't Hate Me, but...

...can I let you in on a little secret? We're friends now, right...? I know you, you know me, we joke, we pal around... you like my cupcakes, I like your comments... we're good. We're tight. If you needed a kidney, eh, well, maybe let's just say I know somebody who knows somebody that's got two kidneys too many. Maybe that neighbor across the way's got grass that's just a little too green for you. It'd be kinda funny if, I don't know, maybe tomorrow they find that a random brood of particularly territorial gophers have suddenly taken up residence. You know, that sort of thing.

If that is in fact the case, then let me continue with my little secret. It's nothing, really. Nothing to get all worked up about. No biggie.

In fact, forget I said anything. I don't have a secret. There's nothing to tell. Except...I don't like Thanksgiving food.

There, did you catch that? What? You missed it? OK, well, here it is again: I really, really don't like Thanksgiving food.

Still nothing? Ugh. Fine. This is the last time though, OK?

I REALLY, REALLY, MOST DEFINITELY AND COMPLETELY DO NOT LIKE THANKSGIVING FOOD.

You still there? Whacked your jaw pretty hard on the keyboard there, huh? Still reading? Well, keep going.

It's true, I really don't like Thanksgiving food. Let me clear something up before going on, though: I am NOT saying I don't like Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is by far one of my favorite holidays. It's right up there with Christmas and my birthday (Yes, my birthday is a holiday. National Shrimp Scampi Day. Mark it down.) The only problem I have is with the food.

When I was growing up, we didn't exactly have traditional Thanksgiving dinners. My childhood consisted of an overbearing, overprotective, fresh-off-the-boat Italian father who controlled just about everything I did from what I wore to what I ate to how I did my hair. When it came to food, American cuisine just didn't cut it for him. Some of my most relished memories of my childhood were of stealing away to friends' houses for a taste of some real American food like Kraft macaroni and cheese or Hershey's chocolate milk. I recall my dad coming back from a business trip only to find Kraft Parmesan cheese in the fridge (What?? My mom was a working mom taking care of two kids while dad was away. Kraft Parmesan was easier than pulling out the giant hunk of imported Parmigiano-Reggiano [Ugh, sorry...I always hear Giada de Laurentiis saying that whenever I say it]) and throwing it away whilst yelling at us that it would make us glow in the dark if we ate it.

Needless to say, my childhood was filled with Italian food and a lot of it. Don't get me wrong -- I'm very happy about my Italian heritage and I love love LOVE pasta to death (that's for a whole other post, though), but it just means that there were a lot of American foods that never really got a chance to show off to my tastebuds.

Like Thanksgiving food.

Not all Thanksgiving food gives me the ooks, though. Most of the main dishes get the cold shoulder from me: turkey, sweet potatoes (Yes, yes, even with the marshmallows. Go figure on this cupcake combo being one of my favorites), cranberries, stuffing, and gravy (ew, ew, ew). I've started to warm up to mashed potatoes, though, and I can do green beans, too. Since Thanksgiving at my aunt's house is a potluck, though, I usually bring a pasta dish and skate through dinner on that.

My real Thanksgiving meal, the meal that is the epitome of what a Thanksgiving meal is supposed to be, happens after all the dinner plates get stacked next to the sink: pie. Oh my good heavens above can I eat pie. I'm not talking one slice here. I'm not talking two. I'm talking 9, possibly 10 slices of pie. You see, at our Thanksgiving celebration, each person has a designated role (i.e., me - pasta, mom - famous broccoli, cousin Michael - inordinate amounts of pie in every flavor imaginable).

When Michael makes his pies, we're talking A LOT OF PIE. Twelve, maybe fifteen pies. Pumpkin pie. Pecan pie. Sweet monkeys do I love pecan pie. Berry pie. Berry cobbler. Cheesecake swirl pie. Crazy happy yum pie with delicious on top. I can't even think straight I'm getting all nutso thinking about how ridiculously hopped up on sugar I'm going to be in just a couple weeks (only to inevitably crash later on the nearest couch or relatively stable horizontal surface).

Anyway, regardless of my distaste for the traditional food of this amazing holiday that celebrates both giving thanks and gorging oneself on anything within arm's reach, I wanted to share with you my FIND OF THE DAY (courtesy of my loving ♥Executive Cupcake Analyst♥):

Martha Stewart Thanksgiving Hotline Cookbook

Apparently, this recipe collection came as a little bonus for his subscription to Sirius XM Satellite radio. They sent it out to all their subscribers and, naturally, he sent it to me so I could scroll immediately to page 41 to check out the desserts. I wanted to share the wealth, though, so click, scroll, download, save, print, or do whatever you want to do with this little gem.

Whatever you decide to do, though, we're still friends, right...?